Self Help - Commitaphobia Intervention

With my new found self diaganosis that I am in fact a commitaphobe and *I* am the problem in the majority of my relationships (and with everything else in my life, including but not limited to, work contracts, rental contracts, pretty much anything that requires some sort of commitment to), I have decided to seek help. Due to the fact that my current employer feels that I should be poor while I'm young (hence the lack of Manolos in my life), I can't afford to go see a certified psychologist. So I will have to put my BA in Psychology to work (finally that degree is doing something for me), and began weeding through all of the infomation I can get and provide myself with a bit of self help.

Through my search, I have found a wealth of knowledge about dating. First, let me start by saying, there is some WEIRD shit out there on the world wide web. Perhaps, one of the craziest things that I've found is a website dedicated to it's loyal readers of single, down on their luck (with women), men who can not seem to land a woman. Below are a handful of "lessons" that should either make you laugh at the thought of someone being so desparate that they need this site, or cringe because your mama never taught these things to you:

1) Learn to strike up a conversation.

Seriously, if there is a man out there that doesn't know that you have to strike up a conversation with a woman in order to begin a relationship with her, then I hope they won't practice on me.

2) Avoid asking single women out on a Friday or Saturday night.

Ok, if I don't know you, you get weeknights, Monday or Tuesday probably. If I know you and think you're ok, you could manage to swing a Wednesday or Thursday. My best friends, and men that I'm having sex with get Friday and Saturday nights. That's the rule. Everyone human out of college should know this rule.

3) You should only unsuccessfully ask a girl out three times.

If I like you, I will say yes (or offer another date if they one you have choosen doesn't work). If I don't I will say no. Once will do.

4) Have every detail of the date planned, but make it seem spontaneous.

I don't like spontaneity on first dates, or 10th dates. When you're taking me out, make reservations, pick the restaurant, and have alternatives. The more you think about, the more it's apparent that you like me.

And for good measure I'm going to add one more rediculous dating tip that you guys are getting off the web.

5) Convince the girl that she is more interested in you, than you are in her.

Wait a minute, you're absolutely suppose to be smitten over me. I will except nothing less. Bunny, is a self lover, not a self loather and in the end isn't that what you're looking for?

So my point here, the reason it seems like no one can get it right, is because men are learning from men who by the way are quite clueless. My problem with commiting is this: My needs are clearly just not being met! So be a man. Talk to me, make the plans for our dates ahead of time, be decisive, and love me first.