Lousy Lay

Think about it. You wait for a man. You let him court you. During this time of course you want to bang him out just as much as he wants to. Then, the day comes. You hit it. And it's the most miserable 5 (maybe less, you know when something is painfully bad, it seems like it lasts much longer than it was in reality) minutes of your time together. He sucks in bed. His penis is a bit on the "small" side. What do you do?

First and foremost, DON'T EVER play on the home field. This is one rule that you should ABSOLUTELY, without a shadow of doubt never ever ever break. When you're playing on the home field you can't get up, go to the bathroom, compose yourself, walk back into your room and say "baby, I need you to go home now." But think about it, if you're at his house you can just slip out. You don't even have to say anything. Just leave. And hope like hell that he doesn't call you a million times to find out what happened to you. Hopefully, he'll know what has happened. I'm sure that his sorry ass has probably done it to some unassuming woman a time or two.

It finally happens. I do it with Happy, and Happy wasn't so happy in bed. Or maybe, Happy was too happy.

I thought men got better with age.

This is no small sexual upset, I'm telling you it was miserable. He's not a passionate lover, he's selfish, and what makes it even worse was that the poor man was terribly uncoordinated. You know even men who don't love you can still be passionate. They can touch you, lick you in ways that make you think of them for hours, days, and sometimes even months afterwards. Sometimes, it's the one night stand that you compare all of your future lovers to, the man that was with you for only a few hours, that does it to you in a way that will make you never forget.

Happy, perhaps you should spend less time trying to conquer every woman in the city of Los Angeles, and more time sleeping with one woman who can actually teach you something. You lack most of the skills needed to make you a lover anyone that I know would want to come back to.

Thank goodness he didn't call me the next day.