Existential Crisis of A Booty Call

The Fuckbuddy crisis has been explored over and over again, with many citing emotional differences between men and women as the main reason why this particular situation simply does not work. Well, let's take a closer look, deep inside my EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OF A BOOTY CALL.

Last night as soon as my work dinner was wrapping up over 2 or 3 martini's and Century City's X BAR, I looked over at this new familiar face sitting across from me and said "I desparately need to get laid." Her response, not knowing me too well, was this... "Well how long has it been?" Of course, I won't waste your time with the details of exactly how long it has been, mostly because it's oddly embarressing when the last time was. But to give you an idea of exactly it's been since I have a man between my legs, I will happily tell you her reply to my answer, "OH MY GOD, you REALLY need to get laid!" So this is how last night's booty call crisis came about.

I texted to the man of the hour, "It seems as though you may be scared." The poor jerk off replies "I'm still at work :(." Me being the spicy one in this seemingly, dull relationship, says "Why don't you come over tonight so that I can be a bad influence?" His reply "Where do you live?" By the way boys, this reponse implies, "I am on my way."

I get excited, sprint home, quickly popping into my favorite wine store for a little bit of liquid ice breaker. Jump quickly in the shower, freshing up. Then. Nothing. An hour goes by. Then two. Finally, he responds, "So were you thinking tomorrow or Thursday night?"

How the fuck do you respond to the pansy, who wants to schedule a one night stand?

I am truly at a loss of words here. I don't know how to respond, or how to feel about this. Did I do something? I mean I thought causal sex was what he meant when he told one of my closest peeps, that he works to much for dating. Am I wrong? I mean, this is either him planning our sexual escapade's for two nights from now, or is he planning a date. Because the bottom line here, is YOU'RE NOT EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE. Therefore, I'm not going to become emotionally available to you... but I will acknowlegde that insanely intense chemistry we have, and I would love for you to do very naughty things to me. So I'm not about to start planning a time that I have to sit down with you and learn how you like your coffee, or hear about your brother's wedding, because honestly, I don't care. I don't want you to know my favorite color, or movie, or what flowers you should send when you've been such an ass that you know you owe me something colorful that will make my office smell lovely.

I want to get excited when my phone vibrates in my pocket, dreaming about your fabulous cock slidding into me. I only want to hear from you in the middle of the night, when my BAC is over the legal limit. When my inhibitions are not standing in the way of jumping on top of you, or caring that my room is dirty.

So, I don't want flowers from you. I don't want anything from you, except of course the occassional fuck. Isn't that what you said you wanted too?