Jimmy Choos and other foot fancies...

So, this morning I came to the shocking realization that men truly do care about our Jimmy Choos. Yes, they love to see us wearing hot, sexy inch adders (and nothing else), but I think sometimes, ladies, they too enjoy feeling the power of being lifted up 3 to 5 inches by nothing more than leather and sturdy soles.

You see about 4 months ago, before my long awaited trip to Cuba, I was in Target buying soap for all of the homeless souls on the streets of Havana. To shocking my discovery, I looked up to see that I am shopping in the women's shoe department with two men. Straight men. Two straight men, were in the women's shoe department, actually trying on shoes. And I am almost certain, buying them too.This discovery was sort of fading in the distance after sharing a few good laughs with my girlfriends. UNTIL, today.

Today, I unmasked the true identity of men everywhere. The sexy ones that you see or listen to on the phone all day making decisions about billions of dollars, greenlighting movies, or turning pennies into dollars on wall street, these men, some of them, actually would rather have you bully them around in the bed room. They desire for us, ladies, to beat them up, the way they spend their day beating up their assistants and colleagues. These walking penises want to wear OUR cashmere, our designer jeans (not that they haven't already moved in on those, publicly), and most importantly women, these people from Mars, appreciate wearing the ONE thing that we have, that is ONLY ours, the one item we shop for and spend hundreds of dollars on, they want to wear our little strappy pleasures.

Next, we will be waiting in line at the nail spa behind them, as they put their bare crusty toes in the holy water we dip our feet in weekly, to release all of the grief these people have given us all week.

Men, we like you wearing your levi's 501s, your crusty t-shirts, and your ratty sneakers. So stay away from ladies department at your local Bloomingdale's.

Please let us (and ONLY us) have our femininity.

If you don't give it to us, perhaps, we'll have to start peeing with the door open.