Hollywood Wives Club

The entire entertainment industry knows them, they are the busty, blond haired, brown eyed, size two, 35 (but looks 28), women, who were a size zero before they popped out a handful of power-babies. Yep, I'm talking about the once actress wanna-bes that are married to the high ranks of Hollywood players. Upon, thumbing through the trades, over a cup of Joe this morning, I came to the realization that ALL of these women are the spitting image of one another. As a matter of fact, I thought for a brief moment that they are all the same person. Hummm, are Brian Grazer and Jerry Bruckheimer married to the same woman? Or are they all just clones of each other? Or realistically, have they come up with some way to share the same piece of ass, because by Hollywood standards this prototype isn't easy to come by. Maybe, they all just found a way to build a robot that will please them, have their babies, make love to them, cook, clean, shop at Neiman's for the newest, hippest pair of Manolo's, and of course, never give them any lip. It's the Stepford Wives of it all.

They all have the name Mindy, Kitty, Abbey, or Brandy, but for the purpose of this we're going to call them Debbies. In my mind I can hear them saying "like" or "um" before every sentence, and then bursting out with a "NIGHTMARE" when their babies go poopy in their pants. But for some reason I suppose they are probably very intelligent people, perhaps smarter than those of us who actually work their way up in this world. They, unlike the rest of us, have a great deal more power than let's say your typical CAA assistant. And we all know that is where the Debbies met their future hubbies. The blond bombshells where "discovered" after greeting their horny lovers in the overwhelming atrium that is now the former CAA building, fetching coffee, or making copies, quietly setting dates with these then newbies, to go Mr. Chow, or whatever the previous hot spots were.

Now, they not only didn't have to fetch too much coffee in their assistant days, but they dinner at Koi or Geisha House weekly with people like Jennifer Aniston and Halle Berry. And for the lesser powerful players, they brunch with say, Eva Longera, at Toast on Saturday mornings. So, rather than wasting their time "working" their way up, they figured out an easy way to do. I'll just marry into it. WOW, impressive. You can marry into it. Who knew hot, previously poor, women could make it so far in this world (if you consider your stint in Hollywood living in "this world"). As a matter of fact, a lot of these girls, are running their old man's company. If not in title, they are at least running it from afar (or from home), and having worked for Hollywood's elite, I personally know that they at least have a corner office in the building that's far superior to those who actually run the company. They drop in to show their faces, occasionally, and when they do the entire building must be spotless. No loose papers in site, all in boxes must be perfectly placed, and we must see ONLY black on the desks. A massive email goes out to the entire company to "straighten up" their work space, before she comes in. What is this, a power trip?

Anyhow, as it all works itself out, I don't fit this mold either because I have blue eyes rather than brown, nor was I built in some factory out in Tarzana. But the truth of the matter is that I don't want to be one of these women. I would rather someone marry me for my wealth and power. Perhaps it's just an ego thing, or maybe I actually have a work ethic. Whatever it is though, so far it's working out quite nicely.